Every year, without fail, we’re told the same story: the holiday season is supposed to be the happiest, coziest, most magical stretch of the year. Everywhere you look—commercials, social media, even the grocery store—there are reminders of what the Perfect Holiday should look like. Smiling families. Sparkling kitchens. Perfectly wrapped gifts. Zero stress. Zero conflict. Endless joy.
And yet… for so many of us, the holiday season doesn’t feel like that at all.
Instead, this time of year can feel heavy, complicated, and honestly a little chaotic. It brings up emotions we thought we resolved months ago. It disrupts our routines, drains our bank accounts, and tests our boundaries. It can feel overstimulating, exhausting, and at times… lonely.
But the biggest reason the holiday season feels challenging?
Because we’re living in a world that keeps insisting we’re supposed to feel amazing even when our actual life looks nothing like a Hallmark movie.
So let’s talk honestly about why the holidays are so difficult, not because you’re not the only one feeling that way, just no one is talking about it.
1. Comparison Season Is Basically a Full-Time Job
If comparison had an Olympics, it would take place during the holiday season.
You cannot escape it:
- Perfectly decorated trees.
- Tablescapes that look like they were styled by Anthropologie.
- People posting “fun family traditions” while their children somehow smile like paid actors.
- Friends who appear shockingly calm despite having 42 activities planned this week.
And then there’s you.
You’re trying to untangle last year’s lights that somehow became a knot the size of a toddler, wondering how everyone else’s house looks ready for a photoshoot while yours looks like a before picture in a home makeover show.
But comparison isn’t really about the decorations or the cookies or the gift wrapping.
It’s about longing.
For ease. For closeness. For joy. For rest. For something that feels like magic.
Try this instead:
When you feel comparison sneaking in, pause and ask:
“What is the longing underneath this?”
Often, you’re not actually jealous of a picture-perfect living room. You’re craving connection, calm, or the feeling of being present.
Comparison isn’t a flaw; it’s a signpost pointing to what you care about.
2. Grief Shows Up Whether You Invited It or Not
The holiday season is a sensory minefield for grief.
A song.
A smell.
A family recipe.
The empty chair that used to be full.
The tradition you no longer participate in.
The person you wish you could still call.
The life you thought you’d have.
Grief doesn’t check your calendar and see if the timing is convenient. It doesn’t wait until January. If anything, the holiday season seems to send out a Christmas card to it reminding it to be sure to show up on time for dinner.
Even if your grief isn’t tied to loss through death, there are the quieter griefs:
- Relationships that changed.
- People who drifted or became unsafe.
- Traditions you stopped because they hurt more than they helped.
- Versions of yourself you no longer are.
Try this:
Give grief a moment, not the whole day.
Create a ritual, like lighting a candle or placing an ornament, as a way to honor what or who you miss. Grief softens when acknowledged.
3. Dietary Chaos Leaves You Feeling Like a Different Person
Can we just say it?
Holiday eating is chaotic.
No one knows what meal is happening when.
Breakfast is just leftovers.
Dinner is whenever people feel like it.
Sugar is everywhere.
Alcohol appears at times that should not involve alcohol.
Everything is richer, saltier, heavier, and consumed at weirder intervals typically in higher quantities.
None of this is bad.
But your body notices.
You might feel:
- More fatigued
- More irritable
- More anxious (yes, sugar crashes and dehydration contribute)
- Sluggish
- Bloated
- Off your normal rhythms
Food is emotional, cultural, and nostalgic. It’s also dysregulating if everything changes all at once for a month at a time.
A compassionate approach:
Add support instead of restriction:
- Water
- Fiber
- Protein
- Breaks
- Movement that feels gentle
- Pacing
You don’t have to “fix” your holiday eating.
Just support your body in small, doable ways.
4. Financial Pressure Could Stress Out Anyone
The holiday season is expensive even when you’re trying to be reasonable.
You might be balancing:
- Gifts (and the pressure to make them meaningful)
- Travel costs
- Groceries for hosting
- Events
- Kid activities
- Seasonal clothing
- Teacher gifts
- Charitable giving
- Rising utility bills
Money is emotional.
It’s tied to identity, belonging, love, and self-worth.
So when finances feel tight, it doesn’t just stress your bank account, it stresses your heart.
Small shift:
Ask yourself:
“Is this purchase from intention or obligation?”
Obligation drains.
Intention grounds.
5. Sleep Is a Disaster and Your Nervous System Is Confused
The holiday season is not kind to sleep schedules.
Even the most organized, eight-hours-a-night adult will find themselves staying up later, waking up earlier, and losing track of the concept of bedtime altogether.
Between:
- Events
- Time with family
- Late-night wrapping
- Overstimulation
- Emotional processing
- Sugar crashes
- Travel
- Kids home from school
…your brain is doing its best, but it’s also exhausted.
And when sleep goes, so does:
- Your patience
- Your emotional regulation
- Your appetite
- Your capacity for joy
- Your tolerance for family small talk
Your nervous system will thank you if you:
Listen to your body when it says “enough.”
Even one night of better sleep resets your whole emotional landscape.
Don’t even try me with the whole “I’ll sleep when I’m dead” thing because that’s not how it works.
6. Clutter and Overstimulation Raise Everyone’s Stress
Holiday clutter isn’t normal clutter.
It’s special clutter.
There’s décor everywhere.
Boxes.
Tape.
Wrapping paper.
Glitter (always glitter).
Pine needles.
Gifts that don’t yet have a home.
Leftovers in containers you’ll never find the matching lid for.
Plus sensory overload:
- Lights
- Music
- Crowds
- Scents
- Noise
- Relatives talking over each other
- Kids hopped up on sugar
Your nervous system is absorbing all of it, ALL at once.
Try this tiny intervention:
Designate one clutter-free zone in your home.
A single calm visual field is enough to signal safety to your brain.
And remind yourself, it’s one month of chaos, then you can clear it all out.
7. Upholding Boundaries Suddenly Becomes a Full-Time Job
The holiday season has a way of turning boundary-setting into a competitive sport.
Requests multiply:
- “Can you come to this event?”
- “We’re doing dinner at our place. Can you host the next one?”
- “Can you bring something?”
- “Can you stay longer?”
- “Can we squeeze in a visit?”
People expect more, want more, ask for more.
And you may feel pressured to say yes, even when you’re already stretched thin.
Boundaries aren’t about avoidance.
They’re about protecting the pieces of your life that keep you functioning.
Try this phrase (magic, truly):
“That doesn’t work for me this holiday season, but thank you for thinking of me.”
Clear. Kind. No debate.
8. Relationship Dynamics Intensify
Ah, yes… family dynamics.
Nothing exposes the cracks in the foundation quite like the holiday season.
During this time, people spend more hours together than usual. Add nostalgia, expectations, alcohol, and unresolved emotional patterns, and suddenly you’re navigating a minefield of old triggers.
You might find yourself dealing with:
- Unsolicited advice
- Political commentary
- Passive-aggressive comments
- Outdated beliefs about you
- Childhood roles you’ve outgrown
- Emotional labor you didn’t sign up for
A small tool that helps enormously:
Identify your “lifelines” in advance: someone who grounds you, someone who makes you laugh, someone you can step away with when things get tense.
If that’s not a person at the event, figure out a place to step away where you are, the grounding strategy to use when it becomes too much, and maybe have someone on standby to debrief with when it’s all said and done.
9. Every Routine You Count On Completely Falls Apart
Humans are routine-loving creatures.
Even people who claim to “go with the flow” have rhythms that anchor them.
And then December arrives.
Suddenly:
- You’re traveling.
- Your kids are home.
- You’re attending events.
- You’re cooking more.
- You’re cleaning constantly.
- You’re skipping workouts.
- You’re staying up later.
- You’re waking up earlier.
- You can’t remember what day it is.
Your nervous system likes predictability.
The holiday season is the opposite of that.
Small support:
Pick one (just one) anchor for each day.
A cup of tea.
A five-minute stretch.
A walk.
A consistent wake-up time.
A few deep breaths before bed.
Your brain will always benefit from something predictable.
So Why Is the Holiday Season So Hard?
Because you’re juggling:
- Comparison
- Grief
- Food changes
- Financial stress
- Sleep disruptions
- Clutter
- Relationship tension
- Emotional labor
- Expectations
- Nostalgia
- Overstimulation
- Routine changes
…while being told you should feel joyful and relaxed.
You’re not doing it wrong.
You’re not missing something.
You’re not “being dramatic.”
The holiday season is genuinely difficult for a lot of people.
You’re human.
And humans struggle under pressure, chaos, expectations, and emotional complexity.
What if the Goal Isn’t a Perfect Holiday? What if It’s a Kind One?
This year, try softness instead of perfection.
Try presence instead of performance.
Try intention instead of obligation.
Try small moments instead of big expectations.
Your holiday season doesn’t need to be magical.
It just needs to be livable.
Grounded.
Safe.
And honest.
Give yourself permission to have a holiday season that makes sense for your actual life, not the one in commercials.
If the holiday season feels heavier than you expected this year, you’re not alone. At Redbird Wellness, we help people navigate holiday stress, grief, boundaries, and emotional overwhelm with compassion, clarity, and support. Reach out if you want this season to feel more manageable, grounded, and human… not perfect.