As a therapist, I often hear questions like:
- How do I make this emotion stop?
- How do I make this go away?
- This happened so long ago; why am I still feeling it?
- What good is this feeling?
While I’d love to offer magic answers to make tough emotions disappear, the reality is that working through our feelings isn’t that simple. Facing and processing emotions—whether they’re rooted in anxiety, trauma, or other mental health challenges—is hard work. Sometimes, the best thing we can do is recognize what we’re feeling, both mentally and physically, and give ourselves permission to truly feel it.
The biggest misconception I see is the instinct to “make sense” of emotions rather than actually feeling them. When an emotion comes up, many try to change it, fix it, or “logic” it away. But often, the only way to move through an emotion is to fully feel it and let logic take a back seat.
Why Intellectualizing Your Emotions Doesn’t Work
Identifying your emotions is just one part of processing an experience, especially for those of us dealing with anxiety, trauma, or depression. But if you were never taught anything about emotions, just labeling your feelings can be hard and often isn’t a full picture of what’s going on. Ask yourself: have you ever been encouraged to notice how emotions show up in your body? Think about the last time you felt anxious or angry—did your muscles tense up, or did you feel restless? Noticing these sensations is as important as naming the emotion itself.
For those who crave control, focusing on the “why” behind an emotion can feel safe. We think, If I understand what caused this feeling, then I can make it go away. But focusing only on the “why” is a defense mechanism—a way of protecting ourselves from the full weight of the emotion. And while knowing our triggers can provide valuable insights, simply understanding why we feel a certain way doesn’t always soothe the intensity of the emotion. Anxiety, sadness, or unresolved trauma aren’t “fixed” by reason alone; they need to be acknowledged and felt. Emotions demand to be processed, not explained away.
Picture This
Imagine it’s a hot July day. You’ve been outside all day and are craving your favorite ice cream. You finally get it and head toward a bench to enjoy it as you watch the sunset. But as you walk, you trip on a crack, and your ice cream hits the ground. Your eyes well up, and you feel a pit form in your stomach. Logically, you know it’s just ice cream, and disappointment is natural. But does acknowledging that “this happens sometimes” make the disappointment disappear? Of course not. Sometimes, the emotional experience just needs to be felt before we can let it go.
The Trap of Avoidance
Intellectualizing or rationalizing our emotions is often a way of avoiding their full impact. Big emotions, can be overwhelming. It’s natural to want to avoid them. But suppressing emotions doesn’t erase them; it just buries them until they’re ready to resurface. Think of it like trying to hold a beach ball underwater. You might manage it for a while, but eventually, it will pop back up. Avoiding emotions is like that—you might manage it temporarily, but eventually, those feelings will come back up.
Emotions don’t just live in our minds; they’re also stored in our bodies. Anxiety, anger, sadness, you name it, all manifest physically, and our bodies remember these experiences. To release them, we need to allow ourselves to feel them mentally and physically. This part is challenging because it often comes with discomfort and a loss of control. But ignoring emotions only delays the inevitable.
Acceptance Is Key
Here’s the truth: We can’t process emotions while we’re trying to “logic” our way through them. The mind and body don’t work like that. In fact, logic and emotion are held in opposite hemispheres of the brain. Yes, sitting with difficult emotions is hard, but holding them inside for days, weeks, or even years is even harder. Avoiding the experience only leads to those same emotions resurfacing later, often when we least expect it.
If you’re struggling to start processing your emotions, try these tips:
- Tune into Your Body
Notice the physical sensations that accompany your emotions. Don’t judge them—just observe. Acknowledge any sensations, beliefs, thoughts, and emotions as part of the process. Emotions will pass, but they need time and space. - Reach Out to Your Support Network
Talk to someone who can hold space for you without needing to “fix” anything. Let them know that you just need them to listen. Feeling seen in the middle of a struggle can be incredibly validating. - Practice Self-Compassion
Give yourself grace and comfort. Sometimes, a simple act like placing a hand over your heart or giving yourself a hug can be grounding. - Let Your Body Move
If you need to cry, scream, run, or do whatever helps release the emotion, let yourself do it. Often, our bodies know what we need to expel emotional energy. Slow down and listen.
Remember, feeling your emotions is hard work—especially in a society that often tells us to ignore them. But you are responsible for making time to process, heal, and honor your emotions. Choosing to work through your emotions may be tough, but it’s an essential part of showing up fully in the world.